Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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