He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
