Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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