I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
