i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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