she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
