My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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