listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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