After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
