I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
