my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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