sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Shame - the story of my life.
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