And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
