I am spending my child support on dildos
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
