My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dear god my vagina.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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