at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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