I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
