Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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