He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
