I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
