we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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