Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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