The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
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