Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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