none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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