guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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