We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
