the new term for farting is butt boxing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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