Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
