My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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