so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
