why do cheetos always look like penises
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who died my cat blue again?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
