I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
