I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
