So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
