Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize