No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
