I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
