this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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