you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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