if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
