I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
