In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
