We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize