Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
