Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
