you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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