Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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