i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
