I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
His nipple licking is glorious
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