I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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