Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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