We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
