Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
