the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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