How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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