So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
