Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
