woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
