I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
