Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
