i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
