I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
