so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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