Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
