so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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