So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize