Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
