he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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