"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Duck Duck Cougar?
zippers are such a cool invention
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
